| Thursday, November 11th, 2004 |
| 1:41 pm |
10 years later
So I'm still alive...although you wouldn't know it by my lack of live journal postings. I live in London now. That's so weird to say. I LIVE IN LONDON. Wow. Who am I??? I am feeling very out of sorts today. I am selfish. Every once in a while I am weighed down by my lack of love for others and caring for humankind in general. At the end of the day, it is all about me and I hate it. I hate the fact that I always have to be right. I hate the fact that I'm horrible at relationships because I don't know how to talk to people when I'm having problems. And I hate that I think about myself more than others on a regular basis. Vicious circle. I have been lost and found all at the same time. life is funny. Current Mood:  weird |
| Sunday, April 25th, 2004 |
| 6:27 pm |
Lighten Up
Thank God for friends who make you laugh and see the lighter side of life. I am way too serious for my own good. A certain person has been rolling around in my head for a while and it is puzzling to me. Do I like him because I want a boyfriend and he is an obvious choice???? Do I like him because he is an amazing person??? Or do I like him simply because I need someone to make out with on Friday nights??? HMMMM...... I have decided that even if I don't get into the University of Westminister I am going back to Europe, at least for a short while. It is not out of my system yet, and I have to do it now or else I never will. Enough said. I fully admit that I want to be successful. I don't just want to go through life doing alright...I want to be at the top of whatever I do. Is that wrong??? Is it selfish??? Palm Springs for two weekends of bliss...how lucky am I??? Actually knowing me I'll probably come home with a second degree burn on my body. And after that my flaming red nose will fall off...as Summer has always predicted. Ta Ta For Now |
| Friday, March 5th, 2004 |
| 5:49 am |
I Don't Belong Here
Every inch of my being longs to be in heaven at this moment sitting at the feet of my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ. I am overwhelmed by the love He continues to poor upon me no matter what the situation or what I choose to do with that love. The disparity between His Kingdom and this world I am living in is become a giant chasm. I am beginning to see how Paul could be so fearless---if this world holds no value, there's nothing to lose in doing everything you can to share and seek God's bigger Kingdom. I wish these lessons could be learned just be reading but sadly I am learning much of this by experience. Seeing people ruin others lives because theirs are horrible. Watching people kill each other because they cannot see the value in the other person's life. The indifference to humanity because it's a job or it's part of the circle of life. There is so much my heart wants to reach out and share. I guess I am in some respects but there is so much more to be done. The ONLY answer is God. My heart is so broken right now there is no room for anything but hurt and sorrow. I cannot even imagine the day when it will all be joy and peace. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that day will come. In the mean time---I will only look above because right now that is the only thing I know to be true, real and never failing. |
| Tuesday, February 24th, 2004 |
| 5:32 am |
The Passion of the Christ
I just watched "The Passion" and I still hours later don't know what to say. I don't know whether to vomit or cry. I feel so much yet cannot wrap my mind around most of it. Buyer beware: It is by far the most graphically violent thing I have witnessed in my lifetime. I do not know if this is good or bad. But I do know this---reading and watching Jesus' death are two very different things. And NO I don't think churches should be promoting it. I do know for a fact that my life seems much more valuable knowing what Christ went through. I do know that I must speak truth otherwise his death means nothing. I do know that I have no idea what real faith is. And I do know that there is no fear in Christ because perfect love drives out fear. Anything else I would say at this moment would seem meaningless. So I will end with this: Jesus wept |
| Monday, February 16th, 2004 |
| 3:52 am |
Falling Asleep
I am currently "out of it" which is unfortunate since I still have 4 hours of work to go (not counting my hour long breakfast break). I just want my bed. I must admit that I really underestimated how wonderful a bed is until I couldn't sleep in one each night. I honestly sit in my chair at work most nights and long for the bed. And when I finally do get to sleep in it----ah the beauty and splendor of it all. I might get to meet John Mayer tomorrow. We'll see how it works out. I don't know if I want to meet him though, because I think he is really cool right now and if I met him I fear I would realize he is lame. Most celebrities are lame---much better from a distance. I am randomly obsessed with Kylie Minogue at the moment. I just got her new CD and bought the old one at the same time. It is a non-stop Kylie fest at my house. Luckily, I am all alone so there's no one to complain or make fun of me. Things I Want For the Future: 1. Lots of sex 2. To Travel often 3. To live in a decent sized city 4. To be self-employed or at least make my own schedule 5. To stop watching so much television. I am hungry---eggs and cheese...mmmmmmmmmm. Current Mood:  tired |
| Monday, February 9th, 2004 |
| 5:37 am |
Dirty Hair and Chocolate
I am sitting in my cubicle at approximately 5:30am thinking to myself, "Good God, what am I doing here?" Then I realize, "What else would I be doing?" Strange yet true. I keep hearing all these songs about being the best person you can be, living your dreams, not letting fear take hold etc...It is all so inspirational for about a second. I agree with these singers but there are also moments in time that you aren't the best person, you cannot live your dreams and fear is so very real. What are we supposed to do with those moments? I think Rob C. or Colby should win survivor. And that is my final decision. I will NOT be talked out of it. 5 Things People Assume (Incorrectly) Are True About Me... 1.I am anti-gay 2.I am a republican 3.I date a lot of men 4.I don't want to get married for a long time 5.I am too nice and let people walk all over me (I know what I'm doing :) EMELINE HARRIS FOR PRESIDENT Current Mood:  exhausted |
| Wednesday, January 14th, 2004 |
| 5:00 am |
Self Doubt
There are moments in life where I am so confident in who I am and the gifts God has given me. Then two minutes later, I think I'm the most annoying, nerdy person on the face of the earth. I'm sure EVERYONE feels the same way but I hate it. I wish I could just accept who I am and move on permanently. I have been sleeping fairly well the last couple of days---such a blessing. And I get to go visit my sister this weekend...YEAH!!!! So by the end of this summer all of my closest friends will be married. I am so happy for them and not in the least bit jealous---but I am ready. I feel in some ways like I'm just hanging out waiting. I know God has someone for me---so hurry up and get here already. I watched E! True Hollywood Story, Katie Couric the other day (love those true hollywood stories) and it once again inspired me. Sometimes, I just want to hang out and be "normal" but then something inside of me says no. I feel like I am called to something bigger and better---if I only have the courage to be that person. We'll see what happens. Monday is a holiday (MLKJr.)which means I get double time. This means for one day I'm actually getting paid what normal people do. It's an incentive to work, that's for sure. I have the best parents in the world. I cannot believe God gave me these two people to teach me how to live life. It's what every human begs for and hardly ever gets. They give me everything I could ever need or want and ask nothing in return. I don't deserve any of it and it keeps coming. CRAZY. Last Thoughts: As hard as my life and schedule is right now---I know I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Current Mood: dorky |
| Thursday, December 11th, 2003 |
| 2:36 am |
Get Over Yourself
So I get into work tonight and this one of our reporter's Ryan (frat boy) makes fun of me for liking this other reporter Adam (nerdy eyebrow boy). I think Adam is great and I definately want to be friends with him...but please. So I asked Ryan who he heard it from...and he acted like everyone knew I had some crush on Adam. News to me. People need to stop flattering themselves. It's ridiculous. I don't know what happened to my life but I lost it when I took this job. Maybe that's how most jobs are but I like balance. I have some of the best friends this world has ever seen. I feel so blessed with the very random group of friends I have come to know and love through the years. PTL! I am have been doing so good with my Christmas shopping. So far I have thought of some really good gifts. And my Christmas cards are the cutest. I'm so excited. I love giving gifts. It's so much fun. And I'm especially glad that I have money to do it this year. In two weeks I'll be in CA enjoying the sunshine and my fam. Is there anything more perfect??? 5 Things I'm Thankful For: *John Mayer/Maroon 5 Concert *Eyeliner *Sequence-my new fav board game *England *Heaters PS-I put the Rugby Parade in my newscast yesterday. Current Mood:  loved |
| Wednesday, December 3rd, 2003 |
| 12:41 am |
For those of you who no hablo espanol. P-T-L stands for Praise the Lord. Duh. |
| Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003 |
| 8:09 am |
This is how much I hate my job. I wake up every day hoping they will fire me or some catastrophic thing will happen so that I will be forced to quit. I get to work and it is okay. But by the time 4am roles around I am beat. And the people don't make it any better-in fact the opposite. And then from 4 to 9 I just sit and basically do nothing. I do booth the show from 6 to 7 but that requires little to no effort. Anyway, all I can think about is how in two years I will be free from this prison. Granted, I am dramatic but my feelings are that strong at the moment. I don't know why I walked back into this world. It was a mistake. On a brighter note-my dearest John Mayer is coming to Boise. Oh how wonderful to see him in person. His music has meant so much to me---February 17th will be a great day!!! On another brighter note-Gideon might come and visit. I miss him so much. Strange but true. He is not perfect by far but he just adds so much to my life. If he lead I would follow. I just realized I only have 45 minutes left. PTL. Now if only it was Friday and I didn't have to come back in 16 hours. Five Things I'm Thankful For: *Will Ferrel *John Mayer *Internet shopping *Scarves *My mom Current Mood: crappy |
| Tuesday, November 25th, 2003 |
| 7:04 pm |
What On Earth Did I Do
So I took this job and now I want to take it back. I don't care that much about career or money to work in the middle of the night pretty much by myself. I just want to live a normal life. I guess normal is a subjective thing but working during the day I think would be considered normal. I'm going to tell my bosses and they might fire me or something but I just can't do it indefinately. I am a people person. I need to be around other human beings. I need to be part of a team and be challenged. My biggest challenge at work shouldn't be staying awake. Being sick SUCKS!!!! I hate it and from now on I will get 8 flu shots if it helps me to never feel like this again. I pretty much want to scream all the time. I miss my sister. I don't laugh nearly as much as I used to and I hate it. Come home soon, Summie. |
| Wednesday, November 12th, 2003 |
| 9:27 pm |
Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
So I started this new television job and it is super great but it's definately still a job. And suddenly all I want to do is get married and have my own home life. I have become "that" girl. Career just isn't all that fulfilling to me. I just want to fall in love and follow him around the world. I LOVE to travel and experience new things. On a more normal note, I got the new Dido CD and it rocks. I love Dido and secretly want to be her. I am on this diet and I like it but I don't. I want to be skinny but I have a hard time at night. And sometimes I cheat or else I could probably lose more weight. Anyway, I like being skinny but it sucks not being able to eat what I want. 5 THINGS I'M THANKFUL FOR: (1) Clothes (2) Email (3) The ability to laugh at myself (4) Dido (5) Chocolate :) |
| Wednesday, October 29th, 2003 |
| 9:05 am |
PHANTOM PLANET-OH TO BE A GOD
So I went to the Phantom Planet show last night at the Big Easy. Yeah, they rock. Super down to earth and just plain cool if you ask me. And I'm secretly in love with the new drummer Jeff, we totally hit it off. He's super shy and has a kind of Rivers Cuomo thing going on...mmmm that sounds good, I'll have that. On another note, I start a new job in a couple of weeks. I cannot believe I have commited to something. I want it and I know it's the right decision but it still makes me stressed out. All I can think is well what if this happens, or I want to do that, or I meet some one and want to follow them around the world...then what??? I mean technically I can get out of it and nothing is set in stone but good Lord, this thing is for real. I miss London already, I really need to live there for a while. Not now, I know that, but someday. I feel strangely not in control of my life right now and I'm not really digging it. I feel like I am reacting to everything. Like I'm eight seconds behind or something. It's a strange feeling. Current Mood: giddy |
| Wednesday, October 1st, 2003 |
| 10:54 am |
New Adventure
So I'm leaving for London today. Yeah!!! I must say that it is my favorite city in the world...at least of the ones that I have been to :) I have this weird feeling that something will happen while I am there. I can't put my finger on it exactly but it's a very real feeling. I have stopped thinking and writing as much. It has actually been a dramatic change. I have so much more peace and I like life a lot more. Strange but true. Sometimes looking inside is the worst thing to do if life is bad on the outside. I am a grown up. Current Mood: hopeful |
| Tuesday, September 2nd, 2003 |
| 7:06 am |
how did i end up here
So I randomly got a new job at a restaurant. And while I am thankful for the job I can already tell this will not be a life career. Serving is decent money and all but it attracts a strange group of people. We'll see how it all goes down. I haven't been sleeping all that great these last few months. I have these dreams always...they are so real. When I wake up I feel so exhausted from experiencing them. I know that's strange and probably doesn't make much sense but it's so real to me. I am going to start saving all my money so I can get the heck out of dodge when the time comes. I am thinking March but Lord knows that could change. It always does. 3 Things I Am Thankful For: A good book (Right now: White Teeth by Zadie Smith) Coffee London...One month baby |
| Wednesday, August 20th, 2003 |
| 1:06 am |
i love my sister...baby summer Current Mood: giddy |
| Tuesday, July 29th, 2003 |
| 7:10 pm |
The Golden Girl
I am not doing well at all. Whatever anxiety and hopelessness I felt about life before I left has intensified since I returned. It's almost as if the trip showed me how great my life could be. Now I am sitting in the midst of reality and it sucks. I am on my knees begging God to let me go and He says no...at least not right now. The battle begins. Between the golden girl and her Maker. He will always win but right now I feel very deserted. I feel like I am merely suffering through this pseudo-life, trying to make it as bearable as possible until my real-life begins. My life full of love, endless adventures, and freedom. FIVE THINGS I DETEST: (1) Myself (2) Rap Music that sounds the same (3) Girl's that wear their clothes a size too small (4) Lack of jobs (5) News FIVE THINGS I ADORE: (1) Summer-my sister who lets me rant until I'm blue in the face (2) No Doubt- Gwen is the queen of all things (3) Beauty Magazines- vanity and all (4) Movies- reality be damned (5) Water- nothing compares Current Mood: crappy |
| Monday, July 28th, 2003 |
| 8:46 am |
I think God just brings the right people into your life just when you need them and praise Him for that!!! I love when people are real, genuine and let you be you without any false hopes or premonitions. |
| Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003 |
| 7:38 pm |
AROUND THE WORLD IN 22 DAYS
I have just completed my world-wind tour of Europe. It was fantastic and exhausing. I have changed and I have stayed the same. But most of all I have experienced things that I never have before and maybe never will again. If I could have one wish for the people of the world it would be that they would have the ability to travel anywhere their hearts desired. I truly think the world is a better place when you travel. Life opens up into something you can never imagine. You cannot be the same after you see young children in Romania or the proud young men in Kosova. Praise God for these little blessings!!! I have renewed hope in so many things...but most of all in myself and the person God has made me to be. We are constantly being torn down by others but that is their problem not ours. God has made us each unique, wonderful human beings with gifts no one else has. God save us all!!! Current Mood: hopeful |
| Saturday, June 21st, 2003 |
| 2:24 pm |
SILLY BOYS
Sometimes I wish I was not into guys because it would be so much easier. I mean on the whole I guess I'm not obsessed with them but I wish I just had that whole nun mentality...God and nothing else. Guys just screw with your head. You're totally not into them and then they say some random comment about you that's absolutely amazing and then nothing. It's like they either don't know what they're saying or words and actions are separate. Either way it's very confusing. And you weren't even into the guy in the first place. AHHHH Leaving for Europe in a week. It's gonna be long and lonely that is for sure. I guess I'll learn a lot about myself. And it'll be easier to focus on the purpose...which is sharing Jesus Christ with these different countries. That about sums it up. Current Mood:  confused |
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brookesbridge's journal